Miley's New Meat Log Blurb

The ever horny, brash, crass and straight up nasty former Hannah Montana star has her pink eye open for the Terminator's son.

Always ready for a Log Ride -- just like her momma taught her -- Miley heard Patrick Schwarzenegger had a crush on her and instantly searched him out like a bloodhound looking for a leg to hump.

Evidently they have had a few dates and coffee a few times, which I'm sure is code for "He got carpet burns from her grinding on his leg." But although Billy Ray thinks any chance Miley gets to take some dictation is a good thing, Arnold and Maria, not so much.

Quote from the National Enquirer article:

“Billy Ray and Tish think Patrick is the kind of stable guy Miley needs. But Arnold and Maria worry that Miley might lure Patrick into the Hollywood party scene.”

But I mean seriously its not like Miley is Patrick's only chance to get some 'Whackjob Cyrus Poon', just give it about 6 years they got another batch of trash coming.

Those Cyrus girls...YIKES!!!!!!!!!

That disgusting piece of shit needs to go away for these girls. 

Jam

Jennifer Aniston Proves Yet Again Pitt Was Smart To Drop Her Ass

Jennifer Aniston in her ever crashing attempt to prove herself a disaster, cold fish, bitchy wreck.

Since Aniston is now almost finished with the wrecking of her career post 'Friends' with all these dreadful movies, I'm actually for her going to 'Lifetime Channel' and make more dreadful movies because it keeps them off the cinema screens.

But seriously now, taking a break from making a story about cancer to go smoke seems like a completely appropriate thing for someone in Hollywood to do.

I mean while making 'Lolita' Jeremy Irons kept taking breaks to go fuck grade school kids. So it all goes together.

And besides this has nothing to do with smoking on the set of a cancer movie.
Its really just more proof that Brad Pitt was thinking ever clearly when he jumped that ship for greener -- psycho-freaky sex loving, warm blooded, mothering, big titted Angelina Jolie -- pastures.

Story on National Enquirer

And now I'm on a ham sandwich like Bill Clinton on a chubby chick.
J.Mike

Kim Kardashian's AMAZING ASS!!!!!!! (Blurb)

Quick, quick TMZ is using every excuse it has to show pictures of Kim Kardashian's scantily clad, amazingly shaped ass.

So I'd get on it if I were you.......the video and pics I mean......

you guys are so nasty.
TMZ.com has the (un)story

Ms. Kardashian has many, many assets to consider.

And so if you'll excuse me I got some more photos to investigate.

Jam

Lindsay Lohan is still one fuckable CRAZY bitch!

I've been dreaming of hitting her hard since we were both 13: her at Camp meeting her British Twin sister and tricking her parents, me sitting in my best friend's mom's living room fingering his older sister imagining it was Lohan.

The National Examiner has her talking about dead people or something. I didn't really read it I just looked at the pic of her rack.

Randomly I quote The National Enquirer:

“Lindsay says she wakes up screaming about dead people jumping up at her from their gurneys,” said a friend.

“She’s even called SAMANTHA RONSON in the middle of the night, sobbing about how she’s petrified of being anywhere near REAL dead people!”

Story Here on National Enquirer.com
I am always glad to see a woman who has accepted her place in life, that being only as an object for wet dreams and tmz.com to get hardons over photographing in various states of boobage.

I mean seriously has there ever been a more messed up, but purely gorgeous sexpot?

Oh right, Marilyn.....no contest...

Jam

Showing Yet Again John Travolta IS The Man We All Should Be!

Showing yet again John Travolta IS THE MAN all us men should be like.
Like any Red Blooded American, Travolta frequents Walmart and Target.

According to the National Enquirer: 

“He’s a regular at the local Walmart near his Ocala, Fla., mansion. Not only does he buy his clothes there, but he even buys gifts for his family.

“John’s extended family cracks up on holidays because they know their presents will come from Walmart or Target. And they actually think it’s adorable because he tries so hard to find the perfect gift.”

 Jump Here 

The best dressed man, and God in Human form: Mr. Travolta hangs out and grabs up the Everyday Low Prices just like any other man.

Except when he does it, its perfection, unlike the rest of us who can't even zip our own pants, Travolta can always find a deal in an ocean of rip offs.

May I one day be half the man John Travolta kills with just the power of his mind.
J.Mike

Betty White Blurb

Betty White takes a stroll for Easter.

The greatest woman who has ever been on TV took her normal daily walk. She needs to keep her legs warm, because if she doesn't stay active it makes it harder for her to bounce on those studs pelvises.

The Queen of comedy still lays them down like Megan Fox on speed. And even though she's pushing 90 she still pops it hardcore, and tries to break the dick like it owes her money.

Original Story, Pics & Additional Stories of the goddess herself on TMZ.com

I got nothing else,
J. Mike 

Kristin Davis’s Flat Ass...

So I hear Kristin Davis has finally become “okay” with her ridiculously flat ass?

I guess people are claiming she has hips, or something. I have been feverishly looking and searching the web and have yet to see any sign of said hips!

And so, I’m just going to trust that she is telling the truth on this one and say, “NO FUCKING SHIT? A WOMAN WITH FUCKING HIPS? WOW, DO YOU THINK IT’S POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO LIKE HIPS ON A WOMAN?” I’m going to chalk this one up to 'bitches being bitches', here. I have to believe the only person putting pressure on her because of her non-existent suppose’d hips is other women or herself when she looks over at SJP and somehow sees anything other than a nasty-stick-figure with a surgically transplanted foot as a face!

Sorry Mr. Broderick, I mean no disrespect, but you married her, so you know even better than I.
Us Mag has the dish on Kristin Davis and the Fitness cover

So I'm going to leave you now with an image of a women that I assume Ms. Davis, giving how she refers to herself, feels is an obese woman.

Jam

Britney Spears has awesome, huge puffy nipples...YAY for me

Ms. Spears has been much maligned as of late for “Free Boobin’” to which I’m sure most heterosexual males are screaming “SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHE’S FINALLY DOING SOMETHING WE CAN ENJOY!!!!”

And so I am here to just make sure all you dip shit chicks out there who love to see celebs naked or see-through, and simultaneously HATE the fact that all these celebs show off their naked or see-through bodies. I say “Leave it the fuck alone. At least this is one of the few subjects that your boyfriend will pay at least some attention to you while you’re talking about it. Sure it’s only because you used the word ‘nipple’ but hey, what the fuck else you want?”
Blurb on tmz.com

Jam

Charlie and Brooke, Still Married...

According to Us Mag Charlie Sheen, Wife Have No Divorce Plans Despite "Living Apart"

So finally Brooke has realized that sometimes when a woman get a little mouthy, she needs to be politely knocked back into place!

By now it’s probably too late to stop any of the pending charges, but she will try.
I’m pretty sure she just woke one day and said “What am I doing? This is Charlie Fucking Sheen! I’m never going to get a better man than this. So I need to stop being foolish and do the right thing for the kids.
And yet despite this, TMZ.com is quoting “people” and “sources” and “unnamed” or even their favorite source “we’ve heard” and claiming she’s pissed that he might want to change his hair style or that a sexually active male might actually want to be sexually active with another person present.

Or that he might pay for sex, which is funny considering she’s (or more specially two marriages have) cost him more than any hooker ever could!

TMZ article here

Jam

I’d still do Jamie Lee Curtis in a heartbeat!

Mature Chicks are hot!

And Jamie Lee Curtis is the vice-president of them all.

According to Us Mag “The actress joked about baring her "fatty little tummy" in a sports bra and briefs on the 2002 cover of More magazine.”
By the way, as Ms. Curtis is the vice president,

Ann Margaret is the queen!

Jam

Goddess Mya Gets slammed for looking sexy cheap...

Mya shows up at an event looking like a girl that every guy could get. And shows once again, that sexy women are allowed to wear whatever the hell they want too.
And just because some bitch doesn’t think it looks good, that really doesn’t fucking matter, you bitches know why? Because she didn’t do it for you!
Mya’s only lot in life at this point is to be ogled by horny men and get paid for it!
Kind of like a hooker, or Lindsey Lohan, but a hell of a lot cleaner!

Some Bitch and a gay guy commented:

DAN BRICKLEY, Hitdanback.com: Her "Love Is Like...Wo," but her dress is like "ew."

JACKIE ROSE, author, Marrying Up: “The most colorful dental hygienist in Hollywood!”

To which I say “Anything She wants to put in my mouth I will gladly accept!”
Story on Us Mag’s site
Jam

Rachel Bilson Shows Bra on Red Carpet...

Link to follow:
This just in, Rachel Bilson…..wait what? Who the Fuck is Rachel Bilson? And why the fuck would I know her? And why the fucking hell would you give a shit about some bitch showing her bra? I’m sitting here right now watching 3 girls who look way better without a stitch on doing things that would make even a priest pass out!

I don’t give a fuck if she’s blowing the horrible acting, wooden expressioned Hayden Christensen! Besides what the hell has she done? Is that truly what we’ve come too? That we care about Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, or Rachel Bilson simply because E! Entertainment Television said so? I think you should be more worried about blowing your guy, than who Rachel Bilson is blowing!
Story on Us Mag’s website
Jam

Mister Cockpuncher AKA Steven Seagal Sued for Trafficking Russian Whores?

Steven Seagal Sued for Sexual Assault, Trafficking -- Story on TMZ.com

Well mister Cock Puncher himself -the man, the myth, the living legend, the greatest martial artists of all time, the one man who might last in a ring with Chuck Norris for longer than it takes to say his name and greatest martial artist guitar player of all time- has fallen into a legal issue. Kayden Nguyen said in a court filing that Steven Seagal had sexually assulted her and even bought and paid for Russian “women” to work as his personal cock warmers.



Luckily, for Mister Seagal, there isn't any such thing as sexual assult when it comes to him. Only women who don't understand that all women were put here to be Chuck Norris', Jean-Claude Van Damme's, Jackie Chan's, and Cock Puncher's personal semen deposits.


Or at least that is the last thing I remember being told by Mister Seagal after I dropped a chip in front of his path and didn't get every last grain of salt up before he stepped onto it and ruined his new $2,500 pair of heavenly black shoes, and gave me a back hand that made me forget I was a pion for about three days. But thankfully when Mister Seagal heard I had awoken he immediately visited me in my hospital room and made sure I remembered my place in society.
Which is just above a caterpillar,
which is of course right above women, according to Mister Seagal.

Well that's the end of this Say No To Celebs post. So, until next time remember if Steven Seagal says for you to bend over and remove your panties, you do it.

Unless, that is of course, if Chuck Norris says differently, at which time you should just shoot yourself in the head because of the sheer awesomeness of being in the same room as both of them at the same time.

Yours forever,
Jam

Us Weekly EXCLUSIVE!! Elin Woods...Attending Masters?

Us Magazine Exclusive: Source: Elin Woods "Possibly" Attending Masters

So, Us Weekly on their website has now got news about how somebody told some one else, about how they heard another person, say that they thought they heard the retarded uncle of a man in jersey's barber say something about hearing a sister of the hairdresser that once worked on Elin's hair in a photo shoot in Iceland say she heard it from an unnamed source that: "Elin might, if the tides are right, and the earth shifts slightly, and an 8.6 earthquake hits Tokyo, which causes a tidal wave that misses any major land marks, circles around the Cape of Good Hope, goes under Puerto Rico (because Puerto Rico isn't attached to the earth by anything other than a metal chain that links to a boat dock in Gitmo) and causes a ripple in the Gulf and forces a turtle onto the beach just as she is bottle feeding Charlie" She might show up to the final round of the Masters IF Tiger makes it. If he doesn't make it then she's definitely will show up! (You know she has to find another Billionaire Golfer to marry) Look out Lefty.

PROVERBS 20:31 "Three things are too much for even the earth to bear, yes, four things shake its foundations—
1 when the janitor becomes the boss,
2 when a fool gets rich,
3 when a whore is voted "woman of the year,"
4 when a "girlfriend" replaces a faithful wife."
("The Message" Bible)

Jam