Mister Cockpuncher AKA Steven Seagal Sued for Trafficking Russian Whores?

Steven Seagal Sued for Sexual Assault, Trafficking -- Story on TMZ.com

Well mister Cock Puncher himself -the man, the myth, the living legend, the greatest martial artists of all time, the one man who might last in a ring with Chuck Norris for longer than it takes to say his name and greatest martial artist guitar player of all time- has fallen into a legal issue. Kayden Nguyen said in a court filing that Steven Seagal had sexually assulted her and even bought and paid for Russian “women” to work as his personal cock warmers.



Luckily, for Mister Seagal, there isn't any such thing as sexual assult when it comes to him. Only women who don't understand that all women were put here to be Chuck Norris', Jean-Claude Van Damme's, Jackie Chan's, and Cock Puncher's personal semen deposits.


Or at least that is the last thing I remember being told by Mister Seagal after I dropped a chip in front of his path and didn't get every last grain of salt up before he stepped onto it and ruined his new $2,500 pair of heavenly black shoes, and gave me a back hand that made me forget I was a pion for about three days. But thankfully when Mister Seagal heard I had awoken he immediately visited me in my hospital room and made sure I remembered my place in society.
Which is just above a caterpillar,
which is of course right above women, according to Mister Seagal.

Well that's the end of this Say No To Celebs post. So, until next time remember if Steven Seagal says for you to bend over and remove your panties, you do it.

Unless, that is of course, if Chuck Norris says differently, at which time you should just shoot yourself in the head because of the sheer awesomeness of being in the same room as both of them at the same time.

Yours forever,
Jam