Kristin Davis’s Flat Ass...

So I hear Kristin Davis has finally become “okay” with her ridiculously flat ass?

I guess people are claiming she has hips, or something. I have been feverishly looking and searching the web and have yet to see any sign of said hips!

And so, I’m just going to trust that she is telling the truth on this one and say, “NO FUCKING SHIT? A WOMAN WITH FUCKING HIPS? WOW, DO YOU THINK IT’S POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO LIKE HIPS ON A WOMAN?” I’m going to chalk this one up to 'bitches being bitches', here. I have to believe the only person putting pressure on her because of her non-existent suppose’d hips is other women or herself when she looks over at SJP and somehow sees anything other than a nasty-stick-figure with a surgically transplanted foot as a face!

Sorry Mr. Broderick, I mean no disrespect, but you married her, so you know even better than I.
Us Mag has the dish on Kristin Davis and the Fitness cover

So I'm going to leave you now with an image of a women that I assume Ms. Davis, giving how she refers to herself, feels is an obese woman.

Jam

THIS JUST IN: CHRISTINA RICCI IS STILL THE HOTTEST ANOREXIC EVER

Just because I happened to grow up imagining what those amazing lips feel like, doesn’t even tint my opinion on this. It is pure and simply a fact of life. Just like the sun rises in the east, or Chuck Norris will kick your ass! Christina Ricci is an anorexic goddess! If you don’t believe me, ask a girl, or women if she is the hottest women ever. If you get a “HELL NO” that means she definitely is! The only exception is if the “girl” is a college coed she might respond “Fuck ya, I’d do her!” Which also confirms it. Us Mag has a story about a shrug she wore when proving me right!

The following is some proof for those of you who still don't believe it. The hottest anorexic EVER!

YOU'RE WELCOME!

Jam

Britney Spears has awesome, huge puffy nipples...YAY for me

Ms. Spears has been much maligned as of late for “Free Boobin’” to which I’m sure most heterosexual males are screaming “SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHE’S FINALLY DOING SOMETHING WE CAN ENJOY!!!!”

And so I am here to just make sure all you dip shit chicks out there who love to see celebs naked or see-through, and simultaneously HATE the fact that all these celebs show off their naked or see-through bodies. I say “Leave it the fuck alone. At least this is one of the few subjects that your boyfriend will pay at least some attention to you while you’re talking about it. Sure it’s only because you used the word ‘nipple’ but hey, what the fuck else you want?”
Blurb on tmz.com

Jam

Charlie and Brooke, Still Married...

According to Us Mag Charlie Sheen, Wife Have No Divorce Plans Despite "Living Apart"

So finally Brooke has realized that sometimes when a woman get a little mouthy, she needs to be politely knocked back into place!

By now it’s probably too late to stop any of the pending charges, but she will try.
I’m pretty sure she just woke one day and said “What am I doing? This is Charlie Fucking Sheen! I’m never going to get a better man than this. So I need to stop being foolish and do the right thing for the kids.
And yet despite this, TMZ.com is quoting “people” and “sources” and “unnamed” or even their favorite source “we’ve heard” and claiming she’s pissed that he might want to change his hair style or that a sexually active male might actually want to be sexually active with another person present.

Or that he might pay for sex, which is funny considering she’s (or more specially two marriages have) cost him more than any hooker ever could!

TMZ article here

Jam

I’d still do Jamie Lee Curtis in a heartbeat!

Mature Chicks are hot!

And Jamie Lee Curtis is the vice-president of them all.

According to Us Mag “The actress joked about baring her "fatty little tummy" in a sports bra and briefs on the 2002 cover of More magazine.”
By the way, as Ms. Curtis is the vice president,

Ann Margaret is the queen!

Jam

Goddess Mya Gets slammed for looking sexy cheap...

Mya shows up at an event looking like a girl that every guy could get. And shows once again, that sexy women are allowed to wear whatever the hell they want too.
And just because some bitch doesn’t think it looks good, that really doesn’t fucking matter, you bitches know why? Because she didn’t do it for you!
Mya’s only lot in life at this point is to be ogled by horny men and get paid for it!
Kind of like a hooker, or Lindsey Lohan, but a hell of a lot cleaner!

Some Bitch and a gay guy commented:

DAN BRICKLEY, Hitdanback.com: Her "Love Is Like...Wo," but her dress is like "ew."

JACKIE ROSE, author, Marrying Up: “The most colorful dental hygienist in Hollywood!”

To which I say “Anything She wants to put in my mouth I will gladly accept!”
Story on Us Mag’s site
Jam

Rachel Bilson Shows Bra on Red Carpet...

Link to follow:
This just in, Rachel Bilson…..wait what? Who the Fuck is Rachel Bilson? And why the fuck would I know her? And why the fucking hell would you give a shit about some bitch showing her bra? I’m sitting here right now watching 3 girls who look way better without a stitch on doing things that would make even a priest pass out!

I don’t give a fuck if she’s blowing the horrible acting, wooden expressioned Hayden Christensen! Besides what the hell has she done? Is that truly what we’ve come too? That we care about Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, or Rachel Bilson simply because E! Entertainment Television said so? I think you should be more worried about blowing your guy, than who Rachel Bilson is blowing!
Story on Us Mag’s website
Jam

Mister Cockpuncher AKA Steven Seagal Sued for Trafficking Russian Whores?

Steven Seagal Sued for Sexual Assault, Trafficking -- Story on TMZ.com

Well mister Cock Puncher himself -the man, the myth, the living legend, the greatest martial artists of all time, the one man who might last in a ring with Chuck Norris for longer than it takes to say his name and greatest martial artist guitar player of all time- has fallen into a legal issue. Kayden Nguyen said in a court filing that Steven Seagal had sexually assulted her and even bought and paid for Russian “women” to work as his personal cock warmers.



Luckily, for Mister Seagal, there isn't any such thing as sexual assult when it comes to him. Only women who don't understand that all women were put here to be Chuck Norris', Jean-Claude Van Damme's, Jackie Chan's, and Cock Puncher's personal semen deposits.


Or at least that is the last thing I remember being told by Mister Seagal after I dropped a chip in front of his path and didn't get every last grain of salt up before he stepped onto it and ruined his new $2,500 pair of heavenly black shoes, and gave me a back hand that made me forget I was a pion for about three days. But thankfully when Mister Seagal heard I had awoken he immediately visited me in my hospital room and made sure I remembered my place in society.
Which is just above a caterpillar,
which is of course right above women, according to Mister Seagal.

Well that's the end of this Say No To Celebs post. So, until next time remember if Steven Seagal says for you to bend over and remove your panties, you do it.

Unless, that is of course, if Chuck Norris says differently, at which time you should just shoot yourself in the head because of the sheer awesomeness of being in the same room as both of them at the same time.

Yours forever,
Jam

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!! DID YOU HEAR ON TMZ???

Well, TMZ did it again! They have reported on some fucking shit that no one other than teenage bitches and 30-something over tanned suburbanite housewives with bad makeup, cares about.
So yeah, I guess the stupid shit happened at some point, that I didn’t really pay attention too and apparently their “reporters” hounded the fuck out of some poor people until they got the scoop.
So, I guess this means whatever the fuck this stupid shit is, we will continue to see it on like Access Hollywood or Extra or something like that for the next few days.
By the way they may have followed Seth McFarland around some more or something, but hey, who gives a shit, right?

BTW, like OMG, I like totally just found out what TMZ stands for!!! Well, my Aunt, you the one with the horrible dye job and acrylics, told she found out that like some Egyptian architects had found a giant carved stone in the Nile and it unlocked the mystery! Like totally for real it did. And so she, like my Aunt, the one with the horrible dye job and acrylics, said TMZ stands for: "No One Gives A Fuck!!!!!"

>>>The link to TMZ's story about Jesse James' "good looking" mistress is right this way<<<

By the way, my secretary says "Hi". She really is a smart and intelligent, fun, funny, lovable little thing.

Ciao,

Jam

Us Weekly EXCLUSIVE!! Elin Woods...Attending Masters?

Us Magazine Exclusive: Source: Elin Woods "Possibly" Attending Masters

So, Us Weekly on their website has now got news about how somebody told some one else, about how they heard another person, say that they thought they heard the retarded uncle of a man in jersey's barber say something about hearing a sister of the hairdresser that once worked on Elin's hair in a photo shoot in Iceland say she heard it from an unnamed source that: "Elin might, if the tides are right, and the earth shifts slightly, and an 8.6 earthquake hits Tokyo, which causes a tidal wave that misses any major land marks, circles around the Cape of Good Hope, goes under Puerto Rico (because Puerto Rico isn't attached to the earth by anything other than a metal chain that links to a boat dock in Gitmo) and causes a ripple in the Gulf and forces a turtle onto the beach just as she is bottle feeding Charlie" She might show up to the final round of the Masters IF Tiger makes it. If he doesn't make it then she's definitely will show up! (You know she has to find another Billionaire Golfer to marry) Look out Lefty.

PROVERBS 20:31 "Three things are too much for even the earth to bear, yes, four things shake its foundations—
1 when the janitor becomes the boss,
2 when a fool gets rich,
3 when a whore is voted "woman of the year,"
4 when a "girlfriend" replaces a faithful wife."
("The Message" Bible)

Jam