This just in, Robert Pattinson is still sickeningly wooden and Charlie Sheen IS THE MAN for the Job in 2012

Much to the chagrin of everyone who has the slightest of clues about quality storyline or enjoys acting that does NOT resemble those still images with the lips moving from Late Night with Conan O'Brian back in the day, Robert Pattinson is still getting roles, and still making girls wet themselves while their boyfriends attempt to pull an emo cutting routine using the sharpened edges of the Nacho w/Cheese Box to cut north to south.
E! Online has something about doing something Humanely on Elephants, or something....I didn't really pat attention...
But its HERE on EOnline.com

AND FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE INTO VIOLENT LOVE!!

The Vatican Assassin himself is still going strong on his tour, and despite what some Lames in the media might claim. The Overlord himself, Mr. Sheen is doing pretty well. And from what I hear, although Bree Olson has left his mansion to go get choked while getting her pucker poked on camera. She is still in touch, and willing to go back for some more of the Warlocks Violent Love when he gets off his Violent Torpedo of Truth Tour.

I don't have a link for this one, just thought I'd say it while I'm thinking it.

Sheen Image Courtesy EOnline.com

CHARLIE SHEEN FOR PRESIDENT!
Hopefully he can be as great a Prez as his father was!

What's not the love?
Jam

Whoever the hell Sarah Shahi is, she called Paris Hilton a "blonde piece of shit"

So some chick no one has ever heard of is the latest near victim of forever self absorbed Paris Hilton as she nearly killed Shahi and her 2yr old son.

Never stopping to acknowledge that another person even exists in this world, Paris Hilton immediately ran a stop sign and sped off.

More than likely she was trying to find her crack rock she dropped on the floor after   burning herself with her lit cigarette she didn't realize was still between her fingers while scratching her herpes scabs.

Either way Shahi went off in 180 characters or less for like 25 posts....which in real conversation is all of like 3 sentences, or in other words, about the same amount of time you spent with your kids today because you're too worried about the bullshit on celebs.

Story Right Here on People Magazine

Yep, yep.
J.Mike

Brad Pitt is SOOO Amazing he had sex with someone he has never met!!!

Well evidentially all the "news" about the fact that Bella Heathcote had been fucking Brad Pitts brains out is slightly over blown, just like Brad Pitt himself.

As the story is quite racy and juicy, even more amazing is that Star Magazine managed to have all the details about it inside its pages from unnamed sources......which is rough considering that YES Heathcote and Pitt are in a movie together, but they have no scenes together, and because it is Hollywood, no scenes together means no reason to be in the same country and thus they have never met in person.

According to Us Magazine:

Heathcote, 23, and Pitt, 47, both shot scenes for Cogan's Trade in New Orleans recently, but a source close to the actress tells UsMagazine.com there's no truth to the reports that Jolie, 35, is "desperate to keep Brad away from Bella."

"Bella has never even met Brad," the insider tells Us. "She is in the movie but doesn't have any scenes with him."

and so evidently someone's wet dream must have gotten the best of them, I assume.

And so all the details about Bella riding Pitt reverse cowboy, with a 5 gallon hat and spurs while grips and gaffers watch helplessly -- is just what it sounds like.....just another scene in an HBO series

More on Us Magazines website

Seikō watashi no o shiri
J.Mike

Nic Cage in New Orleans, STILL THE MAN

So it has come to my attention that women still have not figured it out that Nic Cage is the greatest person in the HISTORY of time. Jesus has a bracelet that reads “WWNCD” for the love of all things holy.
And since that is fact they need to start realizing if Nic Cage feels you deserve a nice back hand, then you probably do. So you should take it and like it. And thank him for being so kind as to straighten you out.
You realize he is taking time out, time that he could spend pounding back another shot, just to remind you that you need to shut the fuck up.
So when Cage tells you to shut the fuck up and get out of the cab, you do it. Don't make him have to possibly bruise his hand on your boney face.

JUST DO IT!

Oh well I think this story on TMZ.com's website is actually somehow not about Nic and really about his useless son. But I didn't really read it as his son is not Nic Cage, and so he doesn't matter.
Story on TMZ.com


Jam.

Jesse Jackson takes a page out of Catholic Playbook

Jesse Jackson takes a page out of Catholic Playbook
In yet another sensational, shocking, odd(?) turn of events, The Honorable Reverend Jesse Jackson's mistress of two decades and mother of his love, illegitimate-of his child is SHOCKED, SHOCKED she says to hear that The Honorable Reverend Jesse Jackson could do something less than holy.
The National Enquirer wrote:

 Karin Standford - mother of Jackson’s 11 year old daughter Ashley – told the ENQUIRER she was blindsided about these sensational new charges brought against Jackson.

"This IS a difficult time," she told The ENQUIRER exclusively

and so everyone who is shocked  SHOCKED! By this raise your hand......
And then immediately proceed to the East River I have a bridge to sell you.
Full story on National Enquirer.com 

SON OF A BITCH!?! JESSE JACKSON IS A SLEEZE!?!
KNOCK ME OVER WITH A  FUCKING FEATHER BOA,
Jam 

Charlie Sheen Daily Blurb

 
This just in Charlie Sheen might be IS still the single greatest American EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Evidently one of the whoresses decided she is going back to getting jackhammered off the edge of a couch and getting spit on while swallowing from a martini glass for money. It does kind of make you think what exactly is his bedroom activities if she can only take three months before going back to getting DP'd by disease infested dicks.

Sheen, while winning in Florida with Dennis Rodman has not commented on the break up via text message.

And so I am starting a pool on what bleached blonde slut puppy will be next in Mr Sheen's bed.

Well that's more than a blurb. But who gives a crap.
RICKY MARTIN AIN'T GOT NOTHING ON ME!
Jam

Franco Don't Play With Dumb Bitches

So the always flirty, freaky and just plain manwhore James Franco ripped a little real world sense into some dumb, stuck up, full of herself, blonde bombshell in a grocery store parking lot.

Evidently he has the same level of tolerance as I have for people

who think just because they're good looking, driving an expensive car they should get to act like they're the only ones who matter.

That level of tolerance happens to be the same level of tolerance as your average Syrian dictator has for his people.

Anyway, Franco humiliated the knock out, in a moment that could --until now-- only be dreamed up by a nerd who just got embarrassed by the captain of the cheerleading squad in high school.

The exchanges is witnessed as going:

Franco: (yelling): “Hey...pretty cool little car you’ve got there!”

Hottie (Purrs back): “Thanks. I just bought it. It’s really cool to drive.”

Franco (looking pissed): "Well, too bad it didn’t come with any #*&%$ turn signals!...I’ve been behind you for five minutes and you never once used your blinker in TEN turns!”

Hottie (looking stunned): ................................

Franco: “Let me give you a piece of advice – in the future, USE YOUR TURN SIGNALS! The life you save could be MINE!”

Full story on National Enquirer.com  click here
As I --for the first time in his career-- am applauding Mr. Franco on this one and second it by saying

Ditto bitch,
J.Mike

Nic Cage beats the HOLY FUCK out of his kid

...or something like that says some nameless person

Everyone stop your life.....Nic Cage is trying to KILL HIS SON!!!!!!!!!
According to National Enquirer who is quoting RADARONLINE.com: 

Now, RadarOnline.com has exclusively revealed that Nic fell with his young son Kal-El in tow.

“At some point, Mr. Cage fell while holding their son," the incident report reads. "The fall caused the five (5) year old child to suffer a minor abrasion to his left knee, and she [Alice] then recovered the child.”

A child abuse detective was notified but determined that no further investigation was merited.

Oh, okay then......so I guess its really just a case of the media PROTECTING THE RIGHTS OF THAT POOR CHILD AT THE HANDS OF HIS ABUSIVE MANIAC FATHER!!!!!!! 

Just another day telling it like it is for the National Enquirer story here

Lets Just Hope Justice Is Served.....
No Father Should Ever Accidentally Fall While Holding Their Child!
Jam 

Lindsay Lohan BACK to jail

Lindsay Lohan going BACK to jail?

Us Magazine is reporting: 

"Judge Stephanie Sautner ruled that the actress was in violation of her probation and would receive 120 days in jail, Us Weekly confirmed...Judge Sautner ruled the incident was a violation of the probation terms set forth after Lohan's 2007 DUI arrest. In addition to her 120 day jail sentence, she will be required to perform 360 hours of community service.

Lohan's lawyer, Shawn Holley, immediately filed a notice of appeal. The actress' bail was set at $75,000."

YAY!!!!!!! Maybe  my  our dream of Caged Heat 2: Hell in a Cell --starring Lohan and Britney Spears in 2 sizzling lesbo scenes. And the climax of Lindsay in a spicy 3way taking it to Chelsea Handler and Lisa Lampanelli with a massive brutal strap-on -- will finally become a reality.

One can only hope they continue to not get her help so we can watch her further spiral down until the day we get to report on her death due to an O.D.

Full story and loads of links to pics such as the one above on Us Magazine

Naked, underweight, nasty, sluts with drug problems, sounds like just another night at any random Night Club.
J.Mike 

Betty White Blurb

Betty White takes a stroll for Easter.

The greatest woman who has ever been on TV took her normal daily walk. She needs to keep her legs warm, because if she doesn't stay active it makes it harder for her to bounce on those studs pelvises.

The Queen of comedy still lays them down like Megan Fox on speed. And even though she's pushing 90 she still pops it hardcore, and tries to break the dick like it owes her money.

Original Story, Pics & Additional Stories of the goddess herself on TMZ.com

I got nothing else,
J. Mike