MILEY CYRUS' TWAT!!! MILEY CYRUS' TWAT!!! MILEY CYRUS' TWAT!!! MILEY CYRUS' TWAT!!!

YEAH YOU HEARD ME!!!!!! MILEY CYRUS' TWAT!!! MILEY CYRUS' TWAT!!! MILEY CYRUS' TWAT!!! MILEY CYRUS' TWAT!!!

Perez Hilton finally did something that men can get some satisfaction out of. He posted Miley Cyrus' Punch Hole on twitter!!!!

Yay for all of the young boys who had to endure all those years of fantasizing about seeing what they can just go to school and see in 5th grade.
CLICK THE TWAT TO SEE THE TWAT!!!!!!



You like the pic?
Yeah its illegal.....I'M NOT THAT FREAKING STUPID!

Hopefully this means Perez Hilton will get some time in a cell with Lindsay Lohan......you know they put all the princesses and queens in together!

Anyway, too bad this ain't next year and that nasty twat ain't Michelle Pfeiffer's.
Jam

Miley's New Meat Log Blurb

The ever horny, brash, crass and straight up nasty former Hannah Montana star has her pink eye open for the Terminator's son.

Always ready for a Log Ride -- just like her momma taught her -- Miley heard Patrick Schwarzenegger had a crush on her and instantly searched him out like a bloodhound looking for a leg to hump.

Evidently they have had a few dates and coffee a few times, which I'm sure is code for "He got carpet burns from her grinding on his leg." But although Billy Ray thinks any chance Miley gets to take some dictation is a good thing, Arnold and Maria, not so much.

Quote from the National Enquirer article:

“Billy Ray and Tish think Patrick is the kind of stable guy Miley needs. But Arnold and Maria worry that Miley might lure Patrick into the Hollywood party scene.”

But I mean seriously its not like Miley is Patrick's only chance to get some 'Whackjob Cyrus Poon', just give it about 6 years they got another batch of trash coming.

Those Cyrus girls...YIKES!!!!!!!!!

That disgusting piece of shit needs to go away for these girls. 

Jam

Jennifer Aniston Proves Yet Again Pitt Was Smart To Drop Her Ass

Jennifer Aniston in her ever crashing attempt to prove herself a disaster, cold fish, bitchy wreck.

Since Aniston is now almost finished with the wrecking of her career post 'Friends' with all these dreadful movies, I'm actually for her going to 'Lifetime Channel' and make more dreadful movies because it keeps them off the cinema screens.

But seriously now, taking a break from making a story about cancer to go smoke seems like a completely appropriate thing for someone in Hollywood to do.

I mean while making 'Lolita' Jeremy Irons kept taking breaks to go fuck grade school kids. So it all goes together.

And besides this has nothing to do with smoking on the set of a cancer movie.
Its really just more proof that Brad Pitt was thinking ever clearly when he jumped that ship for greener -- psycho-freaky sex loving, warm blooded, mothering, big titted Angelina Jolie -- pastures.

Story on National Enquirer

And now I'm on a ham sandwich like Bill Clinton on a chubby chick.
J.Mike

PAUL McCARTNEY WANTS TO GIVE MORE MONEY TO A 'HIGH' CLASS WHORE!

So from what I can tell Paul McCarthy has yet to realize that the only reason any woman comes near him is because they know 18 months later they will get an 8 figure payout.

(be advised I only posted this to be able to post racy pics of Heather Mills)

He might be the brains behind one of the most iconic groups in music history, Wings, but evidently all the pot and pills have taken their toll on the 68 years old aging legend if he actually believes he isn't just signing another check when he signs this next marriage license.

I guess he figures at his age, either he'll die before he actually has to go through with it or he's just feeling generous and wants to ensure yet another woman's future is set.

According to the National Enquirer:

No wedding date has been announced yet.

The lovebirds started dating in 2007 after "meeting cute" at a party in The Hamptons.

The former Beatle is girding his loins for his third trip to the altar ...Shevell, 51, was previously married to New York politician and lawyer Bruce Blakeman."

Just a reminder of McCarthy's last flame Heather Mills.

Well, he has definitely taken a step up in class.

But once you've had Amputee-sex, you've....you've had amputee-sex.
J.Mike

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!! A PRINCESS NEEDS FOOD JUST LIKE NORMAL MORTALS??

In a shocking turn of events, it seems that KATE-FUCKING-MIDDLETON-WINDSOR-DUCHESS OF CAMBRIDGE-FUTURE QUEEN OF THE WORLD actually buys things....AND eats food just like a normal serf.
In fact she actually went out in public wearing clothes that cost less than a house in Malibu. And as it turns out she needs a cart, as I guess she hasn't learned how to make the things levitate off the shelves and follow her around like Eliza II...
OOPS!
I meant Her Royal Highness, Queen Elizabeth II of the United Kingdom and the Commonwealths.
I wouldn't want to mess up her title any, I mean its not like WE WON THE GOD DAMNED WAR TWICE.


Story on People.com

And we kicked their asses in WWII, Cheer-i-o!
Jam

CAN YOU BELIEVE THESE NASTY WHORES ARE THE SAME AGE???

FOXNEWS in its ever growing effort to combine smut rags, celebrities and politics into traditional British paper style, has a side by side of a bunch of celebs:

Some of which time has been too kind.

Others look like time took a baseball bat to their face.

She-whores and man-whores abound on foxnews.com's

As for this manwhore,
I got some more ass pics to check out before finishing off a bottle of Jack Daniel's Tennessee Honey.
And a tall blonde honey pot.
Jam

Kim Kardashian's AMAZING ASS!!!!!!! (Blurb)

Quick, quick TMZ is using every excuse it has to show pictures of Kim Kardashian's scantily clad, amazingly shaped ass.

So I'd get on it if I were you.......the video and pics I mean......

you guys are so nasty.
TMZ.com has the (un)story

Ms. Kardashian has many, many assets to consider.

And so if you'll excuse me I got some more photos to investigate.

Jam

Lindsay Lohan is still one fuckable CRAZY bitch!

I've been dreaming of hitting her hard since we were both 13: her at Camp meeting her British Twin sister and tricking her parents, me sitting in my best friend's mom's living room fingering his older sister imagining it was Lohan.

The National Examiner has her talking about dead people or something. I didn't really read it I just looked at the pic of her rack.

Randomly I quote The National Enquirer:

“Lindsay says she wakes up screaming about dead people jumping up at her from their gurneys,” said a friend.

“She’s even called SAMANTHA RONSON in the middle of the night, sobbing about how she’s petrified of being anywhere near REAL dead people!”

Story Here on National Enquirer.com
I am always glad to see a woman who has accepted her place in life, that being only as an object for wet dreams and tmz.com to get hardons over photographing in various states of boobage.

I mean seriously has there ever been a more messed up, but purely gorgeous sexpot?

Oh right, Marilyn.....no contest...

Jam

White Trash Wet Dream Bristol Palin Got Plastic Surgery

HOLY SHIT!!
Bristol Palin lost a lot of wait and that is obviously PLASTIC SURGERY!!!!

Because no one has ever lost a lot of weigh with dieting, its obvious the only way to lose 20 pounds (a bunch of it in their face) SO its obvious she had something that no one can tell done!!!

I'm really only posting this so I get a chance to post pics of her and her mom's big racks

OOPS!!! That's not Palin.....how did those get in there...hmmm.

People Magazine has a fictionalization of the story and claims:

Dr. Brian Glatt thinks that may be the case. "She seems to have had liposuction of her entire neck with a focus under her chin," Glatt, who hasn't worked with Palin, says in a press release, "which has produced a much more defined jaw line and lower facial area."

Story Here 

I don't know about no jawline, I just hope she takes a note out of Montana Fishburne's playbook and does something we can all get behind.

Bring the country together Bristol!
Bring the country together!

Just please don't pull a Montana Fishburne with that nasty ass, remember to clean between your legs before taping. And body makeup is a very good friend to chicks that lay of their backs for the camera.

Love may be a battlefield, but that doesn't mean it should look like the scars and remnants of a small skirmish are still present.
J.Mike

Showing Yet Again John Travolta IS The Man We All Should Be!

Showing yet again John Travolta IS THE MAN all us men should be like.
Like any Red Blooded American, Travolta frequents Walmart and Target.

According to the National Enquirer: 

“He’s a regular at the local Walmart near his Ocala, Fla., mansion. Not only does he buy his clothes there, but he even buys gifts for his family.

“John’s extended family cracks up on holidays because they know their presents will come from Walmart or Target. And they actually think it’s adorable because he tries so hard to find the perfect gift.”

 Jump Here 

The best dressed man, and God in Human form: Mr. Travolta hangs out and grabs up the Everyday Low Prices just like any other man.

Except when he does it, its perfection, unlike the rest of us who can't even zip our own pants, Travolta can always find a deal in an ocean of rip offs.

May I one day be half the man John Travolta kills with just the power of his mind.
J.Mike

This Just In: Fat Asses ARE STILL AMAZING!!!!

Despite decades and decades of Hollywood sleaze and housewives telling each other and us (men and curvy women) that curves on a woman are disgusting.

Poles that are NOT conducted by Cosmo or on the streets of Manhattan consistently show MEN (and lesbians) LOVE CURVES.

In fact when shown pictures and asked to tell which women from behind looked best the average American male (80%) picks a girl that wears a size 14.

Which by all consensus is considered overweight.

And besides we can just open our damn eyes and see that FAT ASSES ARE AWESOME!!!

And so in closing........

I rest my ass, I mean case
Jam

This just in, Robert Pattinson is still sickeningly wooden and Charlie Sheen IS THE MAN for the Job in 2012

Much to the chagrin of everyone who has the slightest of clues about quality storyline or enjoys acting that does NOT resemble those still images with the lips moving from Late Night with Conan O'Brian back in the day, Robert Pattinson is still getting roles, and still making girls wet themselves while their boyfriends attempt to pull an emo cutting routine using the sharpened edges of the Nacho w/Cheese Box to cut north to south.
E! Online has something about doing something Humanely on Elephants, or something....I didn't really pat attention...
But its HERE on EOnline.com

AND FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE INTO VIOLENT LOVE!!

The Vatican Assassin himself is still going strong on his tour, and despite what some Lames in the media might claim. The Overlord himself, Mr. Sheen is doing pretty well. And from what I hear, although Bree Olson has left his mansion to go get choked while getting her pucker poked on camera. She is still in touch, and willing to go back for some more of the Warlocks Violent Love when he gets off his Violent Torpedo of Truth Tour.

I don't have a link for this one, just thought I'd say it while I'm thinking it.

Sheen Image Courtesy EOnline.com

CHARLIE SHEEN FOR PRESIDENT!
Hopefully he can be as great a Prez as his father was!

What's not the love?
Jam

Whoever the hell Sarah Shahi is, she called Paris Hilton a "blonde piece of shit"

So some chick no one has ever heard of is the latest near victim of forever self absorbed Paris Hilton as she nearly killed Shahi and her 2yr old son.

Never stopping to acknowledge that another person even exists in this world, Paris Hilton immediately ran a stop sign and sped off.

More than likely she was trying to find her crack rock she dropped on the floor after   burning herself with her lit cigarette she didn't realize was still between her fingers while scratching her herpes scabs.

Either way Shahi went off in 180 characters or less for like 25 posts....which in real conversation is all of like 3 sentences, or in other words, about the same amount of time you spent with your kids today because you're too worried about the bullshit on celebs.

Story Right Here on People Magazine

Yep, yep.
J.Mike

Brad Pitt is SOOO Amazing he had sex with someone he has never met!!!

Well evidentially all the "news" about the fact that Bella Heathcote had been fucking Brad Pitts brains out is slightly over blown, just like Brad Pitt himself.

As the story is quite racy and juicy, even more amazing is that Star Magazine managed to have all the details about it inside its pages from unnamed sources......which is rough considering that YES Heathcote and Pitt are in a movie together, but they have no scenes together, and because it is Hollywood, no scenes together means no reason to be in the same country and thus they have never met in person.

According to Us Magazine:

Heathcote, 23, and Pitt, 47, both shot scenes for Cogan's Trade in New Orleans recently, but a source close to the actress tells UsMagazine.com there's no truth to the reports that Jolie, 35, is "desperate to keep Brad away from Bella."

"Bella has never even met Brad," the insider tells Us. "She is in the movie but doesn't have any scenes with him."

and so evidently someone's wet dream must have gotten the best of them, I assume.

And so all the details about Bella riding Pitt reverse cowboy, with a 5 gallon hat and spurs while grips and gaffers watch helplessly -- is just what it sounds like.....just another scene in an HBO series

More on Us Magazines website

Seikō watashi no o shiri
J.Mike

Nic Cage in New Orleans, STILL THE MAN

So it has come to my attention that women still have not figured it out that Nic Cage is the greatest person in the HISTORY of time. Jesus has a bracelet that reads “WWNCD” for the love of all things holy.
And since that is fact they need to start realizing if Nic Cage feels you deserve a nice back hand, then you probably do. So you should take it and like it. And thank him for being so kind as to straighten you out.
You realize he is taking time out, time that he could spend pounding back another shot, just to remind you that you need to shut the fuck up.
So when Cage tells you to shut the fuck up and get out of the cab, you do it. Don't make him have to possibly bruise his hand on your boney face.

JUST DO IT!

Oh well I think this story on TMZ.com's website is actually somehow not about Nic and really about his useless son. But I didn't really read it as his son is not Nic Cage, and so he doesn't matter.
Story on TMZ.com


Jam.

Jesse Jackson takes a page out of Catholic Playbook

Jesse Jackson takes a page out of Catholic Playbook
In yet another sensational, shocking, odd(?) turn of events, The Honorable Reverend Jesse Jackson's mistress of two decades and mother of his love, illegitimate-of his child is SHOCKED, SHOCKED she says to hear that The Honorable Reverend Jesse Jackson could do something less than holy.
The National Enquirer wrote:

 Karin Standford - mother of Jackson’s 11 year old daughter Ashley – told the ENQUIRER she was blindsided about these sensational new charges brought against Jackson.

"This IS a difficult time," she told The ENQUIRER exclusively

and so everyone who is shocked  SHOCKED! By this raise your hand......
And then immediately proceed to the East River I have a bridge to sell you.
Full story on National Enquirer.com 

SON OF A BITCH!?! JESSE JACKSON IS A SLEEZE!?!
KNOCK ME OVER WITH A  FUCKING FEATHER BOA,
Jam 

Charlie Sheen Daily Blurb

 
This just in Charlie Sheen might be IS still the single greatest American EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Evidently one of the whoresses decided she is going back to getting jackhammered off the edge of a couch and getting spit on while swallowing from a martini glass for money. It does kind of make you think what exactly is his bedroom activities if she can only take three months before going back to getting DP'd by disease infested dicks.

Sheen, while winning in Florida with Dennis Rodman has not commented on the break up via text message.

And so I am starting a pool on what bleached blonde slut puppy will be next in Mr Sheen's bed.

Well that's more than a blurb. But who gives a crap.
RICKY MARTIN AIN'T GOT NOTHING ON ME!
Jam